Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
