if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
