I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
