cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
