he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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