I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
