This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
