Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
