We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
