i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
