I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
ttyl tear gas
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
