I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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