i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
