My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
