i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
