I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
