If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
