youre lurking in front of me
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
