6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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