Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
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