Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
