the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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