More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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