what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
