Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
