I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize