you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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