He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
