My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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