Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
