I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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