I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
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