he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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