You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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