just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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