Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
