My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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