your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
