I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
