time to smoke my breakfast
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Randomize
