There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
