if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
