Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
