I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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