We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
