i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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