i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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