he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Come see our sink grown plant.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
