The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Randomize
