just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I smell like Dick and happiness
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