now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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