I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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