I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
