Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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