Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
