forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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