Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
