Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
