great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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