i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
