im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
