I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
