saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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