Please, let me fuck your mom
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
