the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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