I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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