we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
