Plan B is the new Plan A
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
