I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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